A Secret

i hve a secret beneath the lies i've said to my friends. the same lies, " yeah, im okay. i shouldnt give much thought into it".

here's my story. i constantly fr almost 24/7, think of the similar thing - she loves him better than i do. she suffered enough, she hs to get back w him.

the problem is the 'him' im refering to is my boyfriend.

do i still want to be w reza? YES, I DO. eventhough we hve not come to the stage where i love you til the end shit. but i still wanna be with him.

trust me, even after countless times, i've asked him to let me go. he believes tht we shld be together, and work things out. its not for forever, i mean we dont knw it yet. only time will tell.

somehow, the ex gf's 'undying' feelings fr him disturbs me constantly! bt i used to be 'her' bfre i commit to reza.

so, some part of me, understands how she feels. if she was my friend, honest to god i would help her out. by helping her out, is tht by giving her wht she wnts, which is REZA.

but then i thought, because of her, reza hs totally chgd to a different person. he does loves you, bt he doesnt wnt to hve the type of relationship ' i'll be yours forever til my last breath' kinda thing.

i dont think reza would be fond to get bck w her and i also think tht she doesnt like the new reza as well because if she thinks tht she'll hve the reza she had known bfre, she's wrong. 

tht's wht i think - not for me to decide.

All i cn do is to bersabar kerana semuanya di tangan Allah SWT

AMIN.

//

Oh! Reza got into the first batch NS. he'll be going on the 4th jan to sungai shit camp in selangor. thnk god its near. wont be seeing him for the first two weeks, since im leaving for a short trip to SYD on the 5th. 

at least i got to send him off first, and hve a wonderful trip w my mama, cha and best friend, zehan.

my oh my where could my baby beee ?

so, recently i hve been thinking abt wht's going to happen or will take place for the next 7 months frm now. as you all know, im pretty sure nt too start my college life too soon. even mama agreed on it. 

i seriously hve to plan my time wisely to fill up those empty days. i am too, scared thinking wht if i am a wee bit backtrack compared to my friends. bt it's my life. decisions will only be made by me. if it happens to sucks much, then its the risk im willing to take. well, i've encountered few saying tht through decisions, it can only make you mature as yr teacher or even guidance. 

yes, but after spm : 

i will have :)

• few body piercings
  
• new and i would say fresh hairstyle! 
• shop for god knws wht
• spend time w myAdam almost everyday if possible bfre he goes for NS.
• learn french as it will look kick-ass! on my resume
• look out for colleges in penang, johor or mybe singapore
• be mama's driver since she decided on not to buy me a car
• oh! get my friggin driving license
• NOT to get a job
• learn to cook
• strt swimming again
• eat healthily during weekdays and like a pig on weekends.
• visit my siblings if possible. bt SYD trip is still on. hopefully
• read as many books as i can
• take care of my bloody body ( to hve an awesome bod yo! )
• think on how to earn bloody CASH w/o working - need few strategiesssss
• 
  

35 missed clls :) new record.

im having sore throat at the moment. didnt go to schl. talked to my adam in the mrng. our first to be tlking at 6.47am. haha i left him 35 missed clls ystrdy night and apparently the bro used his phone. so yeahh. aiyooo why laa bro.

NOW,

i feel like writing a wish list :)

*i want to eat and never grow fat

*i want to shop beautiful dresses and bags and heels

*i want to hve skinnier legs, no tummy, bigger boobs, smaller arms and grow at least 2 'inch taller, in order to wear all those dresses.

*i want to dye my hair brown and blue and to hve soft curls

*i want to be the smartest kid, who can be able to flip through pages and at the same time, actually know about stuff.

*if its not possible, i want 6 A's for SPM tht includes english, maths, accs, history, economics, and commerce.

* i want to be able to drive now, and if daddy and ma are rich enough to buy me an alfa romeo, or a golf GTI, or mybe a sport swift. so i could drive arnd w/o troubling other parties.

*i want to get my body piercings backkk, SOON

*i want our trip to actually happen.

*i want to see my siblings and travel around the world.

*i want spm to end, FAST.

*i want 3rd parties (if you knw who i meant) to go far far awayy, bcse death is just too much to ask

*i want to actually study in states, SHHH!

*i want my family back, in this small hse, and to be all kecoh again :'[

*i want loads of money and nt to be spoiled, which is impossible

*i want to go for fashion studies and automobile if i am smart enough to do a double degreee

*i want not to be far apart frm my Adam.

last but not least,

*i want to live my own life the way i want to.

i, you mess with me, i mess with you.

had a simple early dinner w mr.enza, mum was cool abt it. suprising much i must say. conclusion of the story is i'll be missing him when he goes to langkawi tmrw. 

walking side by side, back at the alley may not be the most romantic moment ever. but im sure it is not to be forgotten, no doubt abt it love :)

-

Quote of the day : 

"i need a kid to mature him"

as for me, it's vice versa yo!

lies lies lies go away, stop messing my head. stop buzzing my ears

people are putting lies in my head. its hurtful to hear those crap. i chose to trust him frm the beginning and i am trusting him still. if wht i did was right, then we are even STRONGER compared how we used to be. if wht i did was a wrong step to take, probably we would end it by now.

I AM BACKKK ; nt for good

So yeahh im back, just to update my beloved siblings whom are far far far away right now from my dear life here in subang. 

recently, my schl had a play. more of a sketch to be exact. yeap, it is based on the utmost famous play the late P.Ramlee made, Aci Aci Buka Pintu :) i was elected to be in charge of the costumes. i hve to admit it, it wasnt as easy as i thought it would be. bt frankly, i love every part of it! :D those adrenaline rushhhh

the question is; shld i pursue in fashion? or automobile? 

YEAPPPPP! SURPRISE SURPRISE, BE VERY SURPRISE!

also, quite recently i hve made a new best friend :D it took us less than half a month to figure out that we hve ALOT in common. i mean ALOT! frm something we dislike to finishing each other's sentences! weirdddddd! SOOON TO BE MINEEE :)

mr.reza adam farouk fernandez

"OPTIONS"

hey there, 

let me tell you something. i've found a new love. yes, LOVE. instead of loving a boy, i've found a whole new interest in make-up. yeahh. as you all knw i love colours. bright colours, rainbows, and etc. so, dealing w 'colouring' my face every weekend brings out the joy in me :) 

 - went to klcc. went back home to take the steering wheel lock or something like tht. bck to klcc. walked arnd. flipped through magazines to find new ideas for my prom dress. TEEHEEE ! fetched mama at auty yati/saiful's hse in beverly heights. went to pavillion. walked arnd. was sad abt not going to MAC as daddy wants to watch AKADEMI FANTASIA. was frustrated. am okay now cse i found new songs which i like at the moment for my ipod. oh! was also browsing the net for my new watch. im wanting bright watches ever since! so, might convince my siblings to buy one for me. but DOES IT BLEND TOGETHER WITH MY SKIN COLOUR ? fuck it. 

i hve the tendency to be the 'only one' . i like to think myself as a unique person. i dont follow wht others are wearing. trying to AVOID tht. believe in wht i feel like wearing, instead. and i insist on having an 'one-of-a-kind' thing. i prefer not to hve wht others are having . fr example, if indie is the in-thing, im the last person to follow. unless, its on teen vogue. a lil bit of hypocrite dont you think ? mum said i hve to chnge.